Hannah's Story

by guest writer Susi Rowley

Seventeen years ago this month my life was changed forever.  My brilliant, nearly four year old daughter, Hannah, was diagnosed with leukemia. The fact that statistics said she had an 80% chance of survival up to five years wasn't comforting to read, even when told by the staff at CHLA (Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles) or to hear repeatedly from our friends and family. Yet I heard it often. A 20% chance my amazing Hannah would die was no comfort at all.  At that time, I had been a Christ follower for eighteen years and little Hannah had given her heart to Jesus just three months earlier.

 

Over the next four years and nine months, the fear and reality of death was all around us. The Lord brought so many families into our lives, most of whom had children given about the same odds for survival as Hannah; however, many of these precious babes died.

 

How do I keep going with death and sadness all around? First, I wholeheartedly believe that our family, including Hannah, was put in that hospital "for such a time as this.” It wasn't fun or easy, but minute-by-minute we as a family chose to let the Lord be glorified in each situation.

 

That being said, seeing the Lord seemingly ignore our plea for help and call our amazing gift home to be with Him, while she suffered the unimaginable pain of an intestinal infection and leukemia ravaging her little body, broke my heart. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think that the Lord was going to be more glorified in Hannah's death than He was in her life.

She was so very loved in her short eight and a half years. Once she got sick, God's people loved our family incredibly well. People all around the world were praying for Hannah, which meant they were drawing closer to the Lord through her journey. She once told me she would live a life of sickness if it brought glory to her Lord. She also used to encourage me to remember that if the Lord chose to take her home with Him, she would be in the presence of the Most High God, and I should rejoice and not be sad. (She also prayed fervently for several moms she knew who had lost their children to cancer and weren't able to minister to their other children due to the grief they were experiencing, and she certainly didn't want that to be me.)

The truth is God can't be glorified in the "why.” Picture your own child begging to go play at the park, "daddy is on his way home and mommy has to make dinner, maybe tomorrow" you say. However, no answer you provide is sufficient for your little one who only wants to hear you say, “YES.”  If I repeatedly ask God why, even if He gave me a legitimate answer, my response would still be "but why"? I would be responding just like my child's response to me. No answer God gives me will make sense.

We simply need to cast our fear on the Lord and trust Him for the strength to go through whatever valley may come our way. You WILL NOT have the strength ahead of time. Stop worrying about the "what ifs.” Only if a tragedy hits your family, will God flood you with the strength to go on. Fretting over all that "might happen" or "could happen" won't bring glory to God and will hinder your ability to serve and minister to your most precious gift…your family.

Hannah has a beautiful younger sister who is currently in Guatemala on a mission’s trip; she is also praying about serving on a ten-month mission trip in early 2017. It would be so easy to quench her desire to serve the Lord because of fear of losing our Abigail. My husband and I have purposed in our hearts to trust the Lord on her behalf and not let the death of our first child cause us to hold Abigail back from God's calling in her life. We also have seen first hand that we can't choose to live or die. We can however wholeheartedly trust in the One who holds the keys to life and death.

The Lord was with us in that hospital room in the final day of precious Hannah's life. He hadn't abandoned our amazing little girl in her greatest hour of need. She was awake and alert and in unimaginable pain yet she suffered holding onto her faith until the very moment she reached over my direction looking far above and beyond my eyes, smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and said "I'm in, I'm in.”

 I believe that death isn't in our DNA. Because God created us as eternal beings and death only came after the fall, dying never sits well on our hearts. Even if a loved one lives a long life, we don't want them to go and miss them terribly after they are gone.  I always told my girls that death is the devil's last-ditch effort to get us to denounce our Savior. Many times and certainly in Hannah's case, the horrible suffering is just the devil working overtime. We give glory to God in and through our suffering. Oh, the crowns my little girl must have received when she entered into the presence of her God! We made a pact that day that we would meet her at the Tree Of Life... We truly have a little treasure in Heaven, and Heaven is a very sweet place for our family.

A Different Way to Consider Death

If you have ever been to a baby shower or sat in a obstetrician's office, you've heard them...labor and delivery stories.  Oh, my goodness!  How we love to tell our stories of those life-changing moments.  Having six of those experiences myself, I have heard my fair share of "birth stories."  Like the roommate I had in the hospital after my very first 36 hour labor with son #1 (It is a miracle of God I ever had another!).  As I lay in my hospital bed the color of the sheets, she calmly looked over at me with a smile on her perky face and told me:  "Oh, my gosh!  I barely made it to the hospital!  I had a little backache a couple of hours ago and had NO IDEA I was in labor until I felt a little cramping and the need to push."  Say what???  A little cramping?????
   
I had changed my mind half-way through the birth process with my son and told the nurses:  "I am going home.  I've changed my mind.  I don't want to have a baby anymore."  See ya later!  NOTHING could be worth what I was going through.

But I was wrong.  The minute they put that darling, beautiful boy in my arms, I would have done it again...right then.  That is exactly why I had five more after Peter...I knew the joy.

Death is much like birth.  In fact, sometimes I think it is exactly like birth.  Just as with births, there are all kinds of "death stories."  Some are easy and peaceful...some painful and long, but in all there is a "birth" from one world to another.  For those who have loved the Lord Jesus and accepted His sacrifice in place of their sins, there is a "birth" from this dark world into the Light of His glorious presence where there is no more pain, no more fear or anxiety...a new life of pure peace and joy.  Those of us who know Him, no matter how difficult our death,  we will exclaim with joy, "Oh, this is worth it!!!"

BUT...it is as difficult to wrap our minds around this as it is for an infant in the womb to yearn for a world that he has never seen or experienced. 

The reality is for those of us who know the grace of Jesus in our lives, to God, our good Father, death is a welcoming home.  It is our birth into His loving presence and arms. 

Come to think of it, it makes complete sense that Jesus called this new life in Him being "born again!"

If you don't know this Jesus who has made a way for you to perfect joy, peace, and love in the presence of the Father, it is NEVER too late, nor are you ever too far gone.  How He loves you and waits for you to accept this free gift of new birth into TRUE life. If you cannot find someone to talk with about Jesus, you can message me here.  Or click on the link to  join the Desert Vineyard Women's Ministry Facebook Page where you can find a group of loving and compassionate women who would love to answer your questions and give support for your walk with Christ.

If we could grasp the truth of death and what it means to to those who follow Jesus as Lord, we would not fear death.  C. S. Lewis puts it this way:  

“Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.” 

Well, my sisters, (and occasional brothers:) this is a tough subject to tackle for all of us.  My hope is that as we think of Truth...His Truth..that our fear of death will fall away, so we might live this life with JOY!

Speaking of "joy,"  I have asked one of the most joyful people I know, my dear friend, Susi, to write a post for this week on "The Fear of Death."  I have watched Susi and her family live out a life of hope and joy AFTER losing their daughter,Hannah, to cancer.  You won't want to miss "Hannah's Story" tomorrow on the blog!!!!

Blessings, sweet ones!!!

Cherri