Hannah's Story

by guest writer Susi Rowley

Seventeen years ago this month my life was changed forever.  My brilliant, nearly four year old daughter, Hannah, was diagnosed with leukemia. The fact that statistics said she had an 80% chance of survival up to five years wasn't comforting to read, even when told by the staff at CHLA (Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles) or to hear repeatedly from our friends and family. Yet I heard it often. A 20% chance my amazing Hannah would die was no comfort at all.  At that time, I had been a Christ follower for eighteen years and little Hannah had given her heart to Jesus just three months earlier.

 

Over the next four years and nine months, the fear and reality of death was all around us. The Lord brought so many families into our lives, most of whom had children given about the same odds for survival as Hannah; however, many of these precious babes died.

 

How do I keep going with death and sadness all around? First, I wholeheartedly believe that our family, including Hannah, was put in that hospital "for such a time as this.” It wasn't fun or easy, but minute-by-minute we as a family chose to let the Lord be glorified in each situation.

 

That being said, seeing the Lord seemingly ignore our plea for help and call our amazing gift home to be with Him, while she suffered the unimaginable pain of an intestinal infection and leukemia ravaging her little body, broke my heart. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think that the Lord was going to be more glorified in Hannah's death than He was in her life.

She was so very loved in her short eight and a half years. Once she got sick, God's people loved our family incredibly well. People all around the world were praying for Hannah, which meant they were drawing closer to the Lord through her journey. She once told me she would live a life of sickness if it brought glory to her Lord. She also used to encourage me to remember that if the Lord chose to take her home with Him, she would be in the presence of the Most High God, and I should rejoice and not be sad. (She also prayed fervently for several moms she knew who had lost their children to cancer and weren't able to minister to their other children due to the grief they were experiencing, and she certainly didn't want that to be me.)

The truth is God can't be glorified in the "why.” Picture your own child begging to go play at the park, "daddy is on his way home and mommy has to make dinner, maybe tomorrow" you say. However, no answer you provide is sufficient for your little one who only wants to hear you say, “YES.”  If I repeatedly ask God why, even if He gave me a legitimate answer, my response would still be "but why"? I would be responding just like my child's response to me. No answer God gives me will make sense.

We simply need to cast our fear on the Lord and trust Him for the strength to go through whatever valley may come our way. You WILL NOT have the strength ahead of time. Stop worrying about the "what ifs.” Only if a tragedy hits your family, will God flood you with the strength to go on. Fretting over all that "might happen" or "could happen" won't bring glory to God and will hinder your ability to serve and minister to your most precious gift…your family.

Hannah has a beautiful younger sister who is currently in Guatemala on a mission’s trip; she is also praying about serving on a ten-month mission trip in early 2017. It would be so easy to quench her desire to serve the Lord because of fear of losing our Abigail. My husband and I have purposed in our hearts to trust the Lord on her behalf and not let the death of our first child cause us to hold Abigail back from God's calling in her life. We also have seen first hand that we can't choose to live or die. We can however wholeheartedly trust in the One who holds the keys to life and death.

The Lord was with us in that hospital room in the final day of precious Hannah's life. He hadn't abandoned our amazing little girl in her greatest hour of need. She was awake and alert and in unimaginable pain yet she suffered holding onto her faith until the very moment she reached over my direction looking far above and beyond my eyes, smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and said "I'm in, I'm in.”

 I believe that death isn't in our DNA. Because God created us as eternal beings and death only came after the fall, dying never sits well on our hearts. Even if a loved one lives a long life, we don't want them to go and miss them terribly after they are gone.  I always told my girls that death is the devil's last-ditch effort to get us to denounce our Savior. Many times and certainly in Hannah's case, the horrible suffering is just the devil working overtime. We give glory to God in and through our suffering. Oh, the crowns my little girl must have received when she entered into the presence of her God! We made a pact that day that we would meet her at the Tree Of Life... We truly have a little treasure in Heaven, and Heaven is a very sweet place for our family.

Why, My Soul, Are You So Downcast?

"Why, my soul, are you so downcast?  Why are you so disturbed within you?"  This morning...I could feel it...my soul downcast and disturbed.  At first I just felt it...the lump rising in my throat...the heaviness as I walked through my empty house doing the mundane.  Then I remembered...ask your soul...why?  And the answers came…

Why?  Because my heart is heavy for a friend whose two year old grand niece, Anna Mae, is suffering from an incurable and devastating disease.  I watched the video, “Judson’s Eyes,” http://judsonslegacy.org/judsons-eyes about  Krabbe Disease—a rare, genetic, incurable leukodystrophy and through streams of tears, thought of the family who is facing this heartbreaking journey.   I especially thought of the mother, the grandmothers, the aunts, because I can relate to them.

Why so downcast and disturbed, O my soul? Because I have a sweet young friend who waits...praying with all her heart for an unborn baby whose life hangs tenuously in her womb.  She hopes for the little one within and dreams of a life that could be, but the dark clouds of "what if" hover over her and she cannot get away from the truth that this precious life is tenuous.  I feel her pain...I've been there.

 What disturbs me?  The news that a pregnant Sudanese woman, Meriam Yeyha Ibrahim, who has been jailed along with her 20 month old son, was sentenced to death for apostasy...she will not recant her Christian faith.  She is scheduled to die by hanging after her baby is born. http://www.foxnews.com/world/2014/05/16/international-outrage-grows-for-sudanese-woman-sentenced-to-death-for-apostasy/

And again...why?  Because my heart is broken for the over two hundred young girls in Nigeria who have been kidnapped and sold into slavery.  I grieve as I look at pictures of the families and their signs begging “Bring Back Our Girls!”  I think of their mothers and sisters, their aunts and grandmothers…their friends.  I think of my own girls...my daughters and granddaughters, my nieces and sisters...and just for a moment empathize with the horror in the thought, “What if?”  In that split second, I feel the unbearable, the unthinkable and I realize with tears in my eyes as I type this…these sisters of mine…of yours are living it…right now.  And I want to DO something.

 I love women and working in "women's ministry."  Women’s ministry, put simply, is ministering and serving women.   So which women am I called to serve?  Only the women in the Bible study on Tuesday nights?  Or the women in my church?  Or the women in my community?  This country?  Or maybe only Christian women?  How about you?  Are you a woman?  Do you have women you care about and love?  We are…everyone of us…”in women’s ministry,” and God’s scope on HIS women’s ministry is global and all inclusive.  Here’s how I know this:

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intersessions and thanksgivings be made for all people…”  I Timothy 2:1.

Pray.  Here’s the irony about prayer…It many times has one small four letter word in front of it…"just.”   All we can do is "just" pray…  Nearly every time I have heard this or said this myself…it is with resignation.  After a long conversation detailing the trouble or pain..."Well, all you can do is just pray."  We are finally left, after all else has failed, to “just pray."  Really?  Talking to the Creator of the Universe is "just" conversation?  Can I throw something out there for you to consider?   Prayer is powerful because it makes you immediately “present” in a situation or with someone.  You can be present with Anna Mae and her reeling family.  You can be present with those girls in Nigeria and their grieving families. You can be present with Meriam, her unborn child, and her son in their jail cell.  You can be present with an expectant young mom as she anxiously waits and hopes for a safe birth and healthy baby.  You can be present with a son or daughter in distress or wandering.  Prayer makes us present in the midst of those who are suffering even if they are a world away…even if you have never met them. Actually, if prayer is what God's Word says (And I believe it is), then we can't be MORE present or MORE useful.  A young mom put this up on her status on Facebook one morning and I have never forgotten it:  “When we get to heaven, we will wish we had prayed MORE.”  "More" is the exact opposite of "just." 

God's Word tells us to "trust in the Lord and do good."  My sister, Joni, is an example of this.  She prays for others then she waits...trusting the Lord is at work, but in the meantime, she writes cards, makes phone calls, bakes cookies.  She does "good" while she prays, trusts and waits.  So absolutely do  something while you pray for people and situations: sign petitions, #Bring Back Our Girls on Twitter, "share" articles and videos that will raise awareness for those in need, give what you can in whatever way you can, write letters and e-mails on behalf of our Sundanese sister and all our young sisters in Nigeria or any friend in need, bring meals and encourage.  You can keep up with Anna Mae and her family at:  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/annadewitt and add them to your prayer list.  This is what we are called to do as Christ followers, so by all means do good,  but for cryin’ out loud…Cry out loud to God on behalf of those who suffer.  In this way, we all minister and serve others wherever they might be.

The way I read the Bible, it seems that a praying people is a force that can't be reckoned with.  Prayer can bring the miraculous...peace, joy, restoration, redemption, counsel, wisdom...hope.  The end of the verse "Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?"..."Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God."

Oh, I love you, my sisters...thank you for allowing me to "think" things out on the pages of this blog.  Please share how you work out this praying, trusting, hoping and doing good by leaving a comment or a prayer to encourage us all.

Hoping in my Savior and my God,

Cherri