The Fear of Being Found Out

 

The Fear of Being Found Out

What keeps us in hiding?  What keeps us from showing we really don’t have it together… life isn’t that “rosy” at the moment…we aren’t “fine” or “okay” at all?  

One of the reasons can be the fear of judgment and being “hammered” with Bible verses that apply to our particular brokenness. 

 

Angie mentions this in the chapter “Chasing His Hem:”   “I can think of several times that I really opened up about something I was struggling with and it was met by a posture and spirit of judgment coupled with Bible verses.  I wanted the Bible verses, but in the spirit of love and grace.”

Proverbs agrees…wisdom absolutely should be given, but tempered with kindness:   

I have been guilty of “holy spiriting” people, especially my family members and MOST especially, my husband:/.  It took a dear friend to speak some honest truth to me:  I make a “lousy” Holy Spirit.  I have found throughout the years the ones who have had the biggest impact on my life are those who have spoken to me honestly, with Godly wisdom, humility, kindness and my best interest at heart. 

Another reason we want to hide…or at least I want to hide as Angie writes is the fear “… we will let people down and not meet their expectations.  I think many of us feel the real ‘us’ will be exposed when we don’t rise up to what someone else thinks we should be.  So many of us feel burdened by our perceptions of the expectations of others.  We often live our lives trying to avoid letting people down.”  I know this one well…I lived it. 

I love that Angie entitled this chapter “Chasing His Hem” after the woman who reached out to touch his hem with a mustard seed faith and found herself healed of an embarrassing, ostracizing; and, I am sure, debilitating bleeding problem she had suffered with for years.

I reached for His hem one Sunday morning in church after listening to my pastor, David Parker, give a message the Holy Spirit spoke straight into my broken heart.  I was desperate for the Lord’s touch.  I knew nothing else would do.  Only Jesus could heal the deep wounds that I had covered for years.  

Reaching for Him, I began to cry, first silent, streaming tears, but then a deep grief welled up in my heart.  The “old” Cherri had just died a very ugly death…and I knew it.  There was no going back now…It was blatantly obvious I was NOT “okay.”  EVERYBODY knew that I was not the strong, resilient, always joyful, completely together “woman of God” that had been on display for all.  What they saw now, was the “real” me…a puddle on the sanctuary floor as they filed out quietly around me, and Peter, always Peter, my earthly rock, by my side rubbing my back and letting me know that all will be well.

Here is what I learned from that very vulnerable and humbling experience:

I survived!  It did not KILL me to let others know that I am broken too. 

I found compassion, understanding and unconditional love from the people around me!  The fear I had of judgment was a false perception that kept me in my own private prison.

I found freedom!  This is the MOST glorious part of the whole thing…that very painful moment freed me from caring about putting up fronts anymore. 

He truly can redeem anything!  I can see that the Lord had plans for all my “ugly” brokenness.  He knew taking me through that time of anxiety, depression and breaking, would lead me to, not only freedom, but the ability to empathize and point other sweet, suffering women toward His beautiful healing as well.

And sometimes, being “found out” can be one of the best things that ever happens to you!!!  I am so grateful that the Lord led me through a valley I never thought I would survive, to the place where I realize the truth:  Angie’s beautiful words say it like this:

You are the one I stop for.

You are the one I long to heal.

I know your name.  I know your heart.

I know everything about you, including that we would meet here today.

You are the one who sought me and

I delighted in knowing your hand would reach for My hem in faith. 

What you saw an act of desperation,

I saw as an act of love. 

How many never reach out to Me at all because they don’t think it would make a difference? 

Now go in peace and newness of life.

Dear sisters, have no fear!  Peace and newness of life are within your grasp…just reach for His hem!

Love you dearly!

Cherri

  Do you struggle with this "fear of being found out"?  Why do your think you hide the "real" you?  You can answer here on the blog, but you can also answer on the DV Women's Ministry Facebook page.  Many have found that easier.  Just ask to join!